Today was one of the best days I've had in a while. And I've had quite a many of late. But this one was great to the point of sheer ludicrity-it included nearly everything a wonderful day possibly could. Even bubblewrap!
And yet, I find myself skulking through the halls at 3 in the morning, trying to fathom this freaking void that suddenly erupted out of nowhere.
A friend of mine went through something similar a while ago. But her emptiness included mostly fear of happiness-pride comes before a fall, that sort of thing. Mine is... God, I don't even know what this is.
Today, everything that was randomly hovering in Brownian motion suddenly, accidentally fell into place. Color outshone my horizon. Laugh lines became butterflies.
But just as suddenly, it fell into disarray. And I found me back in my particulate self.
The sheer spontaneity of it, the superficiality, disgruntles me. How something so deep and substantial can be so easily eroded, how entire worlds are sometimes swept away like makeup from a geisha's face. It embarasses me.
And then the fear of happiness ensues.
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